Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
