Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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