We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
