you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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