tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
