She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
