So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
