Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
