hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a search helicopter?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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