that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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