How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
