Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
