Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
