I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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