Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
