I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
