ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
