Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
