Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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