I have demons in me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
