Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
did i walk over a car last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
