Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
