I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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