Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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