i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
