Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
