dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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