Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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