I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
