If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
