i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
