I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
