Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
