i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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