I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
