Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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