Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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