I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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