at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
