i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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