Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
