I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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