It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
