I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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