How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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