Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
