Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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