yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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