I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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