I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
