there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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