My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
