Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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