Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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