We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
