Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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