he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
