Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
