they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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