She said her name was "party"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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