i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
