I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
