I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
