The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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