I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
