Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
