First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
