Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
