Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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